Satoma Asadgamaya

In Memory

Migrated Datasets


Sunday, June 11, 2006

French Open 2006

There couldn't have been a more wonderful way to inaugurate this blog's new avatar than to announce the results of the Gentlemen's Singles title (no-)contest at Roland Garros.

As predicted, Rafael Nadal pulverized Roger Federer, thus putting an end to Federer's (day)dreams of winning the French Open and becoming the first man to hold all four Slams together since The Rocket. According to reliable sources, at the end of the annihilation, a relieved Federer proceeded to the men's locker room, not to shit (he already had it beaten out of him), but to flush his prematurely written acceptance speech down the toilet, while Nadal headed for the locker room to scratch his itchy balls (the only balls that troubled him during the three hours and two minutes of the match). It is unlikely that Federer was afflicted by the same malaise. After all, one needs to have balls in order to scratch them.

Although the scoreline read 1-6 6-1 6-4 7-6(7-4), Federer never really had a sniff of a chance. Nadal toyed with him in the first set, much like the eighth standard bhaiyyas who do not bowl pace at the fourth standard wannabes, stretching out and relaxing in the process. But Federer forgot his aukaad and started hitting fours and sixers. Now, no eighth standard bhaiyya worth his salt can tolerate such effrontery, that too on his territory. Nadal then started sandbagging him by bowling at full pace, and Federer, like the true champion that he is, kept taking it on his chin. Without throwing any counter-punches.

The performance suggested that, at almost 25, there is time yet for Federer to switch careers and become a cruiserweight boxer. It is likely that he would be knocked out fewer times in that sport, especially with Nadal showing no interest in pursuing it.

Soon the overhyped match-up was reduced to a rather messy affair when the butcher, with a Babolat meatcleaver in hand, lost no time in shredding the lamb into mincemeat at the other end of the court. And there are people who even ask why the clay is red.

Earlier, Federer had chosen not to learn from previous defeats for the simple reason that there was nothing to be learned - they were all simply anamolies in the five-dimensional probabilistic set representing space, time and stupidity. Also, it is to be noted that perpetual graciousness in perpetual defeat (4-0 in 2006 at last count, with more on the way) is, indeed, the hallmark of a great champion and gentleman. As is shaky vocabulary. There is just that little bit of difference between feat of clay and feet of clay.

That Federer lost is fine but the way he lost is not. The way he played was an insult to the French crowd and the television audience who were vociferous in their support for him. Their efforts to will him on with chants of "Roger!" , "Roger!" fell on deaf ears (which would hear only Nadal's winners whizzing past right under his nose). He made up for an utter lack of creativity and mental strength with a plethora of unforced errors that would have made even Rohan Bopanna's chest swell with pride. All said and done, he played like Nadal's ***** (I don't even want to say it).

And this blog will go one step forward to suggest, nay predict, the (still?) unthinkable. Federer will be mowed down, just like the All-England courts that he loves, by Mario Ancic or Richard Gasquet about one month from now at those very courts. And the two-time defending French Open champion, Rafael Nadal, will do more than just take pictures of Trafalgar Square or Buckingham Palace.

Federer had this message for his supporters : "I was close this year. It's a pity but I will come back next year." Ah, you will. So will Nadal.

Federer also lip-synced while Michael Learns To Rock played Someday at the awards ceremony.

Someday, somewhere
Federer will beat Nadal baby...

Management Class : News

mental baba 9:57 PM
baba ka katora |