Satoma Asadgamaya

In Memory

Migrated Datasets


Thursday, October 19, 2006

Nothing Noble about the Nobel

The Nobel prizes for 2006 were announced recently. In yet another stunning show of ritualized and brazen effrontery, Mental Baba's claims to the honour were rebuffed again by the atrocious designs of the Nobel Committee. And this is the same Mental Baba whose pathbreaking achievements in science and remarkable accomplishments in literature are quite extraordinary to say the least. His passion for world peace and penchant for macro-economics have spawned ideas and ventures which have made the world a better place to live in. The Baba being the savant that he undoubtedly is, recognition and limelight is not important. Only the 1.4 million dollars is.

However, it pains the selfless and noble Baba to see quality research being ignored, time and again, by the unbelievably idiotic custodians of the prize. The Baba would like to demand an explanation from the motley bunch of heretics engaged in desecrating Nobel's name as the years goes by. How could the progenitor of this incredible study, unparalled except by a pair of parallel lines perhaps, be ignored?

Consider the thrust of that gentleman's most enterprising endeavour:

"The central hypothesis underlying my research is that infectious disease can compromise the respiratory systems of lower vertebrates and invertebrates and thereby limit the ability of animals to sustain and recover from normal activities."

Infectious diseases can compromise respiratory systems? And limit the ability of animals to sustain and recover from normal activities?

Mon Dieu! Magnifique! Exceptionnel! This has got to be the greatest thought process that originated in a human mind since Darwin's Theory of Evolution. And, if I may add, it proves that theory right as well.

Which brings me back to my original point - the phoney and ridiculous Nobel Prizes. How could they overlook this incredible effort which could have fitted into any one of the six categories with absolute ease?

#1 Physics - The treadmill. Ah, the treadmill. Not only is it an engineering design worthy of comparisons with the nutcracker, but it has scripted a new and glorious chapter in the annals of nanotechnology. Not to speak of the exciting discoveries in the field of hydrodynamics that come free with it.

#2 Chemistry - The rigorous exercise regime followed by all shrimps will keep them in top shape. This is most desirable for the physiological (and psychological) well-being of the shrimp fraternity as it can catalyze their chemistry with members of the shrimp sorority(and therefore populate oceans of the world with shrimplings, much to the delight of seafood connoisseurs).

#3 Physiology and Medicine - The revolutionary techniques being used in this experiment would undoubtedly lead to pathbreaking cures for the various medical malaises plaguing modern society like dengue and chikungunya.

#4 Literature - The thesis of this most astounding undertaking would top the charts in the New York Times' bestsellers list any day of the week (including Monday).

#5 Economics - Thanks to this inspiring work, the seafood industry will find itself in a position to produce healthier and tastier shrimp. And sell them at a premium of course. This will have a domino effect in the pan-food industry, thus leading to higher wages (and hence better standards of living) for its employees across planet earth, from Uganda to East Timor. Consumers will also get more protein and monounsaturated fats for their buck, thus increasing their productivity and economic output.

#6 Peace - Increased economic stability will have a positive impact on crime rates and minority alienation. Islamic extremists will get suitable employment. They can spend their time fruitfully in cutting off shrimp-heads in seafood processing plants and be happy.

I can almost hear Alfred Nobel turning in his grave. Dunno why.

Management Class : News

mental baba 9:33 AM
baba ka katora |