Satoma Asadgamaya

Being the public-spirited soul that I undeniably am, contributing to National Economy has always been a top priority of mine. As part of my selfless drive to boost the meagre inflows into the national exchequer, I've always tried my very best to maximize my outflows. I don't have to try too hard really - it sort of comes naturally to me. But for me and my kind (and I tell you that we're close to extinction), the Reserve Bank's reservoirs would have been as bountiful as water in the Atacama desert (on second thought, just make that Chennai). Public spending - for the greater good. That's my mantra.

To this noble end, I've been relentlessly engaged in patronizing the likes of Domino's, Pizza Hut and Smokin' Joe's for long. "Why ?!!"

Well, I didn't know you had to be an Einstein to figure that out, bum. No, make that di**head, di**head.

a) Menu says 100 bucks -> Customer pays 120 -> sales tax -> NATIONAL ECONOMY
b) The phone calls -> the monthly bills -> the telecom companies -> corporate tax -> NATIONAL ECONOMY
c) The delivery boys -> the petrol -> the oil companies -> excise / corporate tax -> NATIONAL ECONOMY... (and indeed, if I may say so,...-> the Arab world -> world peace)
d) Tomatoes, Capsicums, Onions, Mushrooms, Olives -> the poor Indian farmer -> the rich Indian farmer -> income tax -> NATIONAL ECONOMY
e) The cheese -> the poor Indian milkmen -> the rich Indian milkmen -> sales / income tax -> NATIONAL ECONOMY
f) The dough, the breads -> the poor Indian bakers -> the rich Indian bakers -> income tax -> NATIONAL ECONOMY
g) Chicken, lamb -> the poor Indian butcher -> the rich Indian butcher -> income tax -> NATI
ONAL ECONOMY

And here I must put my foot down. Where are the freaking fish pizzas ? Spare a thought for the poor Indian fishermen. Who'll give them a chance to contribute to National Economy ? I mean,seriously, is this a democracy or what ? Do these guys have any rights or what ? Whatever happened to The Right to contribute to National Economy? Di**heads.

h) The delivery boys, the chefs, the waiters -> national employment -> NATIONAL ECONOMY

Hell, it sure isn't all about loving your parents. Karan Johar, you di**head. It's all about NATIONAL ECONOMY, you freaks. Di**heads.

All roads lead to NATIONAL ECONOMY. So you must be an intrepid voyager, unafraid and daring, who may boldly go where no man has gone before - to the top of that majestic pinnacle of NATIONAL ECONOMY.

As part of my efforts towards realising this long-cherished dream of surmounting this unconquered peak, I decided to take the pizzeria trail. And I called up Domino's.

Hungry Kya? No, I wasn't but I did it all for the selfless sake of NATIONAL ECONOMY.

A tear runs down my face as the heady words blitz through my head : Everything I do, I do it for you. Look into my heart...you will see...what you mean to me...

Damn.

Sentimental me. Sentimental me...please don't let it be...I'm in love with you...you're in love with me...National Economy.

Anyway, back to Domino's - that most magnificent of all pillars supporting National Economy.

Domino's : "Hi. I'm $#@head. How can I help you ?"

Mental Baba : "You help me by helping me help National Economy."

Domino's : "Sir, we live to serve all those who serve National Economy."

Domino's : "Would you like the poor butchers or the hapless farmers to assist National Economy?"

Mental Baba : "Allow me to do service to the hapless farmers. Neither do they have free electricity nor do they have subsidized loans. I'd like to offer the regular assistance."

Domino's : "Come now, sir! We have medium as well as large assistances available. Surely a personage as worthy as you would not deign to offer regular assistance. Think of the poor farmers. They look up to you and only you. "

Mental Baba :"Make that a large. From the Farmhouse."

Domino's : "O Magnanimous Sire! What of the humble bakers who wait patiently to succour National Economy with their nourishing garlic toasties ?"

Mental Baba : "Yes, Them too."

Domino's: "O Mighty Knight! We've just been informed that the loss-making cola companies are planning to lay off their employees for want of avenues to benefit National Economy in a befitting way."

Mental Baba: "Yes, I shall help the downtrodden cola employees pay obeisance to National Economy."

Domino's : "Thank you for letting us help you help National Economy. May Economics be with you."

I'd plonked myself on the bed and was waiting for precisely 28 minutes when somebody rapped my door. Ah, there he was - that faithful servitor of National Economy, dressed in national colours.

I thought of the farmers and the bakers and the cola employees and the millions and the millions of my fans who look to me as a role model in search of truth, peace, justice and, oh yeah, inspiration. The feeling of chivalry swamped every cell in my body. I rolled my shirtsleeves up, rolled my intestines in and got down to the hands-on service of National Economy. Now, I don't mean to be a Gascon or anything but I've been told that I rather resemble the Mahatma - both in thought as well as in coutenance (not speak of patriotic fervour). I did it all for National Economy.

And then I did more.

i) The Delhi-belly -> the pills -> the pharmaceutical companies -> excise /corporate tax -> NATIONAL ECONOMY.

Look at me. It doesn't end there really.

I woke up this morning and decided that taking French leave once in a while wouldn't do my appraisal rating any harm. I mean, they don't have negative rating, do they ?

My PL calls me up : "Woher bist du?"

Mental Baba : "Ich habe delhi-belly."

PL : "Just drag your ass and your delhi-belly down to office. We got work to do."

Mental Baba : "No way. I'm sick."

PL : "Global Top 10 Company -> professional tax/corporate tax/income tax -> NATIONAL ECONOMY."

Did you just ask me why I'm here, di**head ?

"May economics be with you."

Management Class : Meandering thoughts of a fickle mind