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Monday, July 24, 2006

Mamma Mia!

Miss Puerto Rico has been crowned the most beautiful woman in the goddamned world. Sorry, make that universe. Yeah, the freaking UNIVERSE.

Yeah, right. I know at least eighteen women in my office who are more beautiful than Miss Puerto Rico is (that they don't know me is a different matter altogether). I went to Wal-Mart for my weekly shopping a few hours back and I noticed several women prettier than she is. The chick walking her dog outside my ashram right now is far more gorgeous than she is (and hell, I wish I was that lucky dog).

Will somebody get real? I mean, what are the hell are these phoney pageants all about?

I know that, more likely than not, this is the cliche that will be presented as a response to my question -

Beauty with brains.

I have a few more questions for these people. How about Coca-Cola with single-malt whisky? Or puris with sambar (there are actually places where this culinary matrimony is performed. Needless to say, a divorce with the digestive system follows soon after)? Or how about Tommy Robredo with the Wimbledon trophy in his hands?

Although I personally have never observed it, I do not mean to say that beauty and brains cannot co-exist in a woman. I'll be politically correct and say that it is a theoretical possibility (as is time travel). If there are any empowered neo-feminists / pseudo-feminists / quasi-feminists reading this, they are free to use their collective brains and brawn to beat Mental Baba into cosmic pulp (if they can). So, whenever I hear organisers and participants and * feminists spout the beauty-with-brains mumbo-jumbo, I go uh-oh. Please. Give me a break. I would like to die a hero defending the earth. And I would rather have my intestines ripped out by a Dalek than by such hilarious jokes.

Beauty with brains...And I'm the king of the world.

First of all. Beauty. Most of the winners over the past few years have been plain janes (only Rosanna Davison ,Miss World 2003 was beautiful). The representation from my country India has been especially atrocious. I almost choked to death when I saw the line-up for the Femina Miss India finals last year. It was disgusting to say the least. When I walk down my street back home, I see girls far more attractive than any of them. As far as I am concerned, most of a woman's beauty comes from her face. When the face itself doesn't have it, what the hell is there to look at? Is this supposed to be a competition about beauty or is it about modelling or what? What a sham these pageants are. "Most beautiful woman in the world" my ass, when she isn't even among the ten most beautiful in the arena. And I'm not being biased in terms of nationality or race or colour in any way. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman.

And then. Brains. A couple of questions about world peace and global warming will tell you how smart the woman is, right? Any guy with an eye can know how beautiful a woman is in a couple of minutes.It takes more than a couple of cliched questions to find out how smart a woman is. Does tutored smooth-talking in front of the camera imply the presence of a brain? I don't know what hi-fi analysis takes place behind the scenes in the couple of weeks that the girls spend together prior to the television finale. Maybe they do some really clever stuff (like get to know Donald Trump real close) to find out how smart the girls are and then eliminate accordingly. If that is the case, cut the crap out and stop calling them "The most beautiful women in the world" or whatever. It is an insult to the thousands of really beautiful women out there. It is an insult to that chick who is still walking her dog (bless that so-not-in-a-hurry furry pooch).

Here's my deal -

a) Have a competition that is actually about beauty - about the face, about the body, about everything that defines a woman's physical charms and then consider calling your winners the most beautiful women in the world. No pretentious and hypocritical crap about brains and world peace.

b) Have a competition that is actually about brains - make them do differential equations, play sudoku, debate the Middle-East crisis, talk medieval art history and Victorian literature and all that sort of cerebral stuff. Call the winner Miss Grey Matter 20XY or the most intelligent female alive or whatever you will.

c) Somehow have a competition that is actually about beauty AND brains. Somehow try to find enough participants for it (by keeping the qualifying levels real low). Call the winner Miss Biological Anamoly 20XY.

The bottomline is that I have no problem with these pageants or the participants per se. In fact, if I had enough financial acumen and clout, I would conduct a few such events myself to mint some money. I resent the beauty with brains crap and especially the most beautiful women in the world bullshit.

But you know what, I did once read somewhere that Sharon Stone (wipes the drool off his face) has an IQ of 150 or 160. Nah, that had me fooled for a moment. Must be the idiotic quotient.

Management Class : News

mental baba 10:31 AM
Hi. I read your post on the Miss World Competition and I thought you might find these articles interesting. They were published in the Georgia Strait Newspaper out of Vancouver, British Columbia this past week: http://www.straight.com/content.cfm?id=19177 and http://www.straight.com/content.cfm?id=19176
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
|k| : I'm sorry but I do not believe in what I read in those articles. I think it's a bunch of politically-correct propaganda put out there by the pageant impresarios. There are always exceptions to the rule. Undoubtedly, that applies to beauty pageants as well. But I'll be damned if even 1% of the organisers / participants give jack about all those niceties mentioned in the articles. I'm all for it. I understand that it's a business and that's how businesses are usually run. But the fact that beauty is so scarce (and so not comparable to reality) in the world's biggest beauty pageant will always vex me.
Utter Blasphemy, thou doesent remember Sharon Stones IQ is 154, she had to go to a special school since she was a bit too fast on the uptake :)

"Most beautiful woman in the world" my ass

You mean to say you would rather watch your arse than Miss Puerto Rico......

Want beauty with brains ??

Ser Feenix will agree let the great person who took our basic electronics lab vivas ask the questions at the pageant.
|Nightwatchmen| : I remember only one thing about Sharon Stone and you might guess what that is.

As to thok comparisons of my ass with Miss Puerto Rico go, I would settle for hers over mine.

Actually I don't want beauty with brains. I just want a stunningly beautiful dumb blonde. But if anyone wants it, I would suggest that Ser Feenix himself ask the questions.
baba ka katora |