Satoma Asadgamaya

In Memory

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Thursday, November 23, 2006

The No.1 Team of the World - Reprise

I would like to apologize to my readers (four at last count) for having utterly and miserably failed in my previous attempt to do justice to the Men in Blue.

Reliable sources have informed me that, stung by my pathetic portrayal of their undisputed talents, the Men in Blue decided to put on the kind of show seldom seen in any of the psycho-temporal dimensions of the multiverse. And indeed, they did so with aplomb. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the Men in Blue. As I always am, I was hopelessly wrong. The Men are not, by any stretch of imagination, just The No.1 Team of the World. They are beyond mortal powers of description now.

The Men in Blue have transcended the mereness and triviality of sport with this spectacular performance. Reliable sources state that, after an emergency session, the UNESCO decided to include Durban, the scene of the epoch, in the list of World Heritage Sites. Such has been the magnitude of their feats that there is also talk of adding the Men to the list of modern day wonders. There is also talk of adding the "new Gilchrist", Mahendra Singh Dhoni, to the list of one day wonders.

The true meaning of the adjective heavyweight, which is quite often used to describe the Indian batting line-up, is finally clear. While some luminaries are heavy in weight, others are heavily weighed down by leaden feet. However, the spirits of the Men in Blue are never weighed down. In fact they rise to atmospheric heights (leaving the body way below), especially when there is a fast bowler at the other end.

Allow me to let you in on another secret. You know why they were named Men in Blue in the first place? It is said the fearsome Indian batting line-up, for some weird reason, went blue in the face when they had occasion to take guard against the White Lightening Allan Donald, the last and perhaps the most classical of all fast bowlers, some years back. Perhaps it was a result of their deep compassion for all fast bowlers - that dying and fast-disappearing breed. Parallels could be drawn from the compassionate Hindu god Shiva who ingested poison, his throat turning blue in the process, to save the multiverse from certain annihilation. This probably explains why they are regarded as gods and worshipped by millions, nay billions, of fawning Indians. But really, more than the average Indian, it is fast bowlers across the multiverse who need to worship the Men, nay Gods. In this day and age of marauding poachers, if the species of fast bowlers is alive, it is because of the five-wicket hauls that they subsist on. Courtesy the Men, nay Gods, of course. In my personal opinion, what the Gods (formerly Men) do need is not Padma Bhushans but medals from WWF.

There is also a school of thought which is of the opinion that the combination of an Indian batsman in blue, a fast bowler with a red cherry in his hand and a green pitch makes for an excellent course in the principles of optics for the millions of Indian schoolkids (a result of all that frenetic copulation) who would otherwise avoid that greatest of all subjects - physics. While fielding or while getting run out, the Men (nay Gods) often disseminate knowledge in physics by demonstrating, rather ably, Newton's equations of motion. Like, v = u + at or v^2 = u^2 + 2aS. The beauty of these equations is well and truly brought out when the ball's final velocity (v) is greater than or equal to 140 kilometres an hour, and even the greatest of all Gods (formerly Men) is clean bowled.

Yoohoo! The way the bails flew!
See that, the batsmen had no clue -
The most excellent Men in Blue!
That they are No.1 is damn true!

It's just freaking amazing. What a bunch of good-natured blokes! The fast bowlers like them. So do educators in physics. Advertisers and desi chicks (pardon my oxymoron) dig them. Cool!

It is likely that this effort of mine does no semblance of justice to the Men, nay Gods, AGAIN. But hey, undoubtedly, there will be several more opportunities to correct this shortcoming in the future. Until then.

Management Class : News

mental baba 9:54 AM
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