Satoma Asadgamaya

In Memory

Migrated Datasets


Sunday, March 26, 2006

The Two Diamonds

Not so long ago, in a place not so far away, was a mine which had rich seams of bituminous coal that produced much sought-after Steel Grade I coke. It also had the best longwall system in the country and a canteen with the best singaras south of the Arctic Circle. Anyway, that is besides the point.

One day, a miner working at a freshly-cut face, noticed a couple of unusual chunks lying on the ground near the shearer. They seemed harder and shinier than the rest. First,he dismissed them as pieces of anthracite but then decided to keep them anyway.

He gave one to each of his two kids. The son was fond of playing cricket. But he sucked at it. One day, he lost a match to Pintu's team and had to part with his lunchbox and the rock as a consequence.

Now, Pintu was a fine fast bowler. He was also an idiot (surprise! surprise!). But his uncle's father-in-law's cousin's friend was not. When that gentleman came visiting once, he offered an eclair for the rock. Now, Pintu was an idiot. He was not a moron. He held out for more. The thriving community of bacteria in his gums (and that of dentists, I daresay) was certainly delighted when the ooze from two Cadbury's eclairs percolated into its lair.

Pintu's uncle's father-in-law's cousin's friend was also an idiot. Hold on. Before accusations of contradiction start flying forth, it all boils down to the theory of relativity. The theory of relativity. It's extremely unlikely that those belonging to the order of Pintu and his uncle's father-in-law's cousin's friend would be able to decipher the meaning of this.

Anyway, this gentleman sold it to the neighbourhood Seth for a bottle of 'vilayati'. The Seth's neighbour's fifteen year old son quietly pocketed it while the Seth was putting in some quality time with the Sethani. This kid was pretty tech-savvy and he put the rock up for auction on He also made good use of his camera phone.

Unfortunately, there weren't too many takers for the "action adventure" thoughtfully titled as "The Seth's Hard Rock". According to hacks on ebay, however, the President of Pakistan, The High Lord Perverse Bush-or-Muff was one of the bidders for it. Although he was a cheapskate, he won the exclusive rights to "The Seth'sHard Rock".

The rock, however, was snapped up by an Algerian C-league footballer who later illegally migrated to France. It left his possession when he, in the process of enthusiastically participating in riots at Paris, smashed open the window of a chic De Beers showroom on Boulevard Saint Germain des Prés.

De Beers celebrated the pillage of its showroom at The Ritz when it came to light that one of the criminals had left something behind worth, to be precise, 14.4291 times of the loot. That's excluding insurance gains.

The rock was reverently laid in velvet and shipped to the city of Surat in India in the company of a squadron of fighter planes and twelve trolls, each of whom spent twelve hours in the gym everyday of their enlightened lives.

There it was manicured and pedicured and *cured by the best rock doctors of the world. When it returned to Paris after the makeover and all of its travails, it was a relief to find it safely ensconsed between the twin planets of a hotter-than-the-sun chick. She was the world's sexiest supermodel. The world's most famous movie star gave it to her. It ended in a mess. She ended up with the world's most famous rock star. He ended up with Dissipation Grade I coke. The rock went to the lawyers who wrangled over it. One of them even bit an ear off his partner. The ear-biter was brutalised by his victim's wife who was a professional wrestler. This disturbing sequence of events led them to engage the services of a mediator and thrash out an agreement on a hunting trip.

The mediator shot ALL of them accidentally. He then had to get a mediator of his own to prevent their families from suing him. It was not his fault - he was born with a bad eye. Just like Muthiah Muralitharan who was born with a bent arm. C'mon. Give these guys a break.

In the meantime, the diamond was deemed a national treasure and confiscated by the Government. At the same time, a presidential aide disappeared mysteriously. His last words, written on the inside of a toilet paper roll were "It was the First Mistress."

Anyway, the rock was always on television, in the movies and was even voted as Time's "Man of the Year" (even though the feminists raised a big stink about it). The University of Karlsruhe honoured itself by being the first to present the rock a PhD in Geology and Global Entertainment. This award was accepted on the rock's behalf by an intern in the presidential office.

And, oh yeah, the daughter was fond of playing with dolls. Nobody can suck at playing with dolls. She kept her rock. She kept it with great care, locked away, in a little chest. The Rock In The Iron Cask. One day, when she was grown up and pretty and was watching television, she saw her brother's short-lived possession. Of course, she could not recognise it but she went green with envy. She clamoured for a rock of her own. Her bare-backed beau, with good intentions, presented her with one - that was infinitesimally inferior to The Rock In The Iron Cask.

While taking one of her walks down by the cliff, she hurled The Rock In The Iron Cask down into the waves below. It was a long way down. The rock burst into a dazzling profusion of colour as the rays of the fading sun caressed it for the first and last time, screaming as it would seem: "I'm a diamond."

Some diamonds are not forever.

Management Class : Tall Tales

mental baba 3:22 AM
baba ka katora |