Saturday, December 18, 2004
The Clash of the Titans
For long they walked together.
One was a champion of ethics - a true champion who'd live by his word and die by the sword. He would fight to the end for what he believed in. He was a messiah who would defend and protect those reeling under tyranny, oppression and mire. His allegiances were not to individuals or organizations but to high ideals and cosmic truths.
The other was a fanatic of Pink Floyd and The Who. He had no ethics. He would not strive to understand the deeper malaise that afflicted his soul. He would see the grass on the other side of the fence and think that it was greener, and go green with envy. He would spurn the messiah who would show him the light. He was Shrek.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and thence the twain parted.
This is it. This is the clash of the titans.
Only one man will remain standing.
I. A Tug of War Contest
a) Shrek pulls and then swirls the rope around like a hammer-thrower. Mental Baba is sent flying into outer space.
b) Mental Baba bribes the judges and wins.
c) The tensile strength of the rope is unable to withstand the compressive pull of Mental Baba's little finger.
d) The rope turns into a snake. Shrek runs for his life.
II. A Golgappa-eating Contest
a) Mental Baba destroys Shrek.
b) Mental Baba routs Shrek.
c) Ends inconclusively as both of them are admitted to the hospital for emergency stomach surgery.
d) The golgappas disappear mysteriously just before the start of the contest.
III. A Pink Floyd Contest
a) Mental Baba says, "Pink who?"
b) Shrek pounds Mental Baba into mincemeat.
c) Mental Baba just falls asleep.
e) Shrek has 'High Hopes' of winning.
IV. A Prose-writing Contest
a) Shrek hammers the living daylights out of Mental Baba.
b) Mental Baba hammers the hell out of Shrek.
c) Freddie appears out of nowhere and hammers them both.
d) Mental Baba is disqualified for using profanities.
V. A Line-maraoing Contest
a) Shrek wins hands down.
b) Shrek wins pants down.
c) Shrek wins.
d) Shrek wins again.
VI. An Ethics Championship //Now we're talking
a) Mental Baba displays his gold medal proudly to the cheering masses.
b) Shrek, green with envy, steals Mental Baba's medal.
c) Mental Baba is disqualified for unethical practices.
d) Shrek is crowned 'Ethics Champion' by Thee Cee Esss .
VII. A Mathematics Contest
a) Mental Baba blows Shrek away.
b) Freddie tries to make an unsolicited entry again. This time he is thrashed soundly by Mental Baba.
c) Shrek runs for his life.
d) Laloo leaks the question papers to Mental Baba.
VIII. A Dance Contest
a) Shrek does superb breakdance in St. Peter's Basilica. St. Peter's Basilica mysteriously comes crashing down.
b) Mental Baba tries a back flip and is admitted to hospital for emergency spinal surgery.
c) Mental Baba does the moonwalk.
d) Shrek does St.Vitus's dance.
IX. A Cooking Contest
a) Shrek at work. Food poisoning alarm sounded.
b) Mental Baba cheats yet again – outsources to Sanjeev Kapoor.
c) RKHS wins. Both Shrek and Mental Baba pass out.
d) Mental Baba finally manages to make Maggi – what an achievement.
X. A NatGeo Genius Contest
a) Mental Baba steamrollers Shrek.
b) Shrek is disqualified for making a pass at the presenter.
c) Shrek stuns Mental Baba in the upset of the century.
d) Mental Baba fails to identify the nationality of the Cayman Islands.
XI. A Biking Contest
a) Shrek steals Mental Baba's spark plugs. Yet he loses.
b) Ends inconclusively as both crash and are admitted to hospital for emergency neurosurgery.
c) Shrek arrives on a Harley-Davidson. Mental Baba flees.
d) Mental Baba on his machine and Shrek on his favourite cow go one-on-one.
XII. A Basketball Contest
a) Mental Baba shoots a three-pointer from half-court. The Pistons sign him up.
b) Shrek slams in a dunk right over Mental Baba's head. Nobody signs him up.
c) Shaq faints on watching Mental Baba and Shrek in action.
d) They play with a spiked iron ball. Both are admitted to hospital for emergency facial reconstructive surgery.
XIII. A Wear-a-saree Contest
a) Mental Baba runs for his life.
b) Shrek runs for his life.
c) HRH runs away with the saree.
d) HRH again. This time he's back for the blouse.
XIV. An Extreme Programming Contest
a) Shrek's program does not compile.
b) Mental Baba's program does not comply.
c) Mental Baba writes a program that prints 'Hello World'. He wins.
d) Shrek smashes the computer.
XV. A Debate on Sachin Tendulkar
a) Mental Baba shows up in a three-piece Scabal and pummels Shrek into submission.
b) Shrek shows up in swimming trunks and loses ignominiously.
c) KD interjects with some useless questions on some useless topic. He is promptly evicted from the auditorium.
d) News of Sachin slamming another double ton trickles in. Shrek runs for his life.
XVI. A Swimming Contest
a) Mental Baba runs for his life.
b) Mental Baba is rescued by Geena Lee Nolin.
c) Mental Baba is rescued by Pamela Anderson.
d) Mental Baba is rescued by Carmen Electra.
XVII. A Booze Contest
a) Mental Baba laughs all the way to the bar.
b) Shrek forfeits.
c) Mental Baba and Shrek get into a nasty brawl.
d) Mental Baba is shell-shocked as Shrek beats him by four pegs.
XVIII. A Shooting Contest
a) Mental Baba wins with his eyes blindfolded.
b) Shrek shoots his toes by mistake.
c) There's no way Mental Baba can lose this.
d) Shrek shoots Mental Baba by cold calculated design.
XIX. An Ultimatix Contest
a) Shrek flattens Mental Baba without breaking into sweat.
b) Mental Baba runs for his life.
c) Shrek disappears mysteriously.
d) "User authentication failed." The contest is called off.
XX. A Money-minting Contest
a) Mental Baba joins a certain global top 10 company which pays extremely high salaries.
b) Shrek tries to loot the RBI vaults and fails miserably. He is arrested and sent to Tihar Jail.
c) Know what, Richie Rich was inspired by Shrek.
d) For once, Mental Baba is stumped.
If there's anything missing, bring it on.
There is no scoring scale. The people go by their own intuition. And they decide the victor of this epic battle.
I know that they will make the right choice. I know that the masses will rally behind the ethics champion.
Only one man will be left standing.
Management Class : Meandering thoughts of a fickle mind
mental baba 1:34 AM