Thursday, April 07, 2005
EQA for dummies
I'm allergic to a lot of things - just like Paul in The Wonder Years. Traffic. Girls with moustachios. Arrogant peeps. Cream of milk. And yes, of course, EQAs. Not necessarily in that order though.
EQAs. External Quality Audits. Or is it Extremely Questionable Activities ? Whatever.
These days the EQA requests are pouring in - just like the benevolent rain gods on Chennai. Everyday the bums/bummettes from QAG come around to my cube with a most winning smile (well, at least that's what they think) on their faces.
"Hi Mental Baba. How are you ? "
"Hi. I'm good. And you ? "
"Could you do an EQA today ? "
"No."
"Your PL says that you're free."
"I'm not free to do EQAs. "
"She says that you are free. "
"Well, I'm not. "
"Ok Mental Baba . "
And then I see these people slink across to my PL's cube and talk to her, shooting furtive glances at me all the time.
Fortunately, my PL knows better than to speak to me regarding the matter. I mean, please. I'm the guy who put his hands up and gave himself a rating of 1 against the EQA goal head in his self-appraisal.
But no matter how hard an ordinary guy may try, extraordinary quirk of fate sometimes leads one into that dangerous land where defects and resolutions run riot. All of a sudden, there I was, thrust into the thick of action, with a tear gas shell and a cudgel in my hands. Damnation. How the hell do I manage to get myself into such situations ?
It had been ages since I had done an EQA. So long that there were cobwebs in the EQA recesses of my head. And of all the things that could have been - code walkthroughs or system testing, it was a document review (holy craparoni !!!). My heart did a little jig. No, it was not at the sight of the uppity Miss H who's long been under the impression that she's the H Malini of a Global Top 10 company. ROTFL.
Anyway, there I was, scratching my bald pate, trying to make sense of the unbelievably nonsensical document that suddenly had transformed my multi-coloured screen into a grim landscape of black and white. A data mapping document. That's what they said it was. I don't what the blazes it was supposed to map but I, for one, was in unmapped territory - and without a compass to boot.
"We have a check point review. Do it in two hours. Fast. Fast."
Two obscure data dictionaries. One mapping document in Greek and Latin. A guy who's allergic to Greek and Latin. And to data dictionaries. And to AIG. Put all of these together and you might well end up with a great recipe. For? Well.
I tried doing an HRECA on the EQA volume. It ended with an RC of 02.
I decided to follow the sagacious advice of a local quality guru. I put on a white sombrero first. Then I tried a black stetson.
Zilch. They didn't suit my pate.
I was half an hour into my 'deadline'.
This called for desperate measures. I put on my red topee. I love the red one. I just love it. And bingo! I had it !
Took one last look at the mess in front of me. I could literally see defects swarming all over it, preparing for an all-out assault.
I lobbed the tear gas shell. HDEL on the EQA volume. RC = 00.
I swung the cudgel. "No comments. Signed off."
Extremely Questionable Activities ? You bet.
I guess some allergies are for your own good.
Management Class : Meandering thoughts of a fickle mind
EQAs. External Quality Audits. Or is it Extremely Questionable Activities ? Whatever.
These days the EQA requests are pouring in - just like the benevolent rain gods on Chennai. Everyday the bums/bummettes from QAG come around to my cube with a most winning smile (well, at least that's what they think) on their faces.
"Hi Mental Baba. How are you ? "
"Hi. I'm good. And you ? "
"Could you do an EQA today ? "
"No."
"Your PL says that you're free."
"I'm not free to do EQAs. "
"She says that you are free. "
"Well, I'm not. "
"Ok Mental Baba . "
And then I see these people slink across to my PL's cube and talk to her, shooting furtive glances at me all the time.
Fortunately, my PL knows better than to speak to me regarding the matter. I mean, please. I'm the guy who put his hands up and gave himself a rating of 1 against the EQA goal head in his self-appraisal.
But no matter how hard an ordinary guy may try, extraordinary quirk of fate sometimes leads one into that dangerous land where defects and resolutions run riot. All of a sudden, there I was, thrust into the thick of action, with a tear gas shell and a cudgel in my hands. Damnation. How the hell do I manage to get myself into such situations ?
It had been ages since I had done an EQA. So long that there were cobwebs in the EQA recesses of my head. And of all the things that could have been - code walkthroughs or system testing, it was a document review (holy craparoni !!!). My heart did a little jig. No, it was not at the sight of the uppity Miss H who's long been under the impression that she's the H Malini of a Global Top 10 company. ROTFL.
Anyway, there I was, scratching my bald pate, trying to make sense of the unbelievably nonsensical document that suddenly had transformed my multi-coloured screen into a grim landscape of black and white. A data mapping document. That's what they said it was. I don't what the blazes it was supposed to map but I, for one, was in unmapped territory - and without a compass to boot.
"We have a check point review. Do it in two hours. Fast. Fast."
Two obscure data dictionaries. One mapping document in Greek and Latin. A guy who's allergic to Greek and Latin. And to data dictionaries. And to AIG. Put all of these together and you might well end up with a great recipe. For? Well.
I tried doing an HRECA on the EQA volume. It ended with an RC of 02.
I decided to follow the sagacious advice of a local quality guru. I put on a white sombrero first. Then I tried a black stetson.
Zilch. They didn't suit my pate.
I was half an hour into my 'deadline'.
This called for desperate measures. I put on my red topee. I love the red one. I just love it. And bingo! I had it !
Took one last look at the mess in front of me. I could literally see defects swarming all over it, preparing for an all-out assault.
I lobbed the tear gas shell. HDEL on the EQA volume. RC = 00.
I swung the cudgel. "No comments. Signed off."
Extremely Questionable Activities ? You bet.
I guess some allergies are for your own good.
Management Class : Meandering thoughts of a fickle mind
